The Goose Chronicles
by umbreonblue
Summary: What happens when Naofumi turns into a goose...and then proceeds to wreak havoc like in the Untitled Goose Game. #Inspired by the Untitled Goose Game.


"Honk!" a black goose sounded, a shield on its back as it wandered the woods.

As for how this happened…well, a certain bitch (Malty) was done with trying to be subtle, and so curses Naofumi, turning him into a goose. Luckily, Naofumi escaped from the castle.

'Damn that woman! I have to find a way to break the spell fast!' Naofumi says but it just comes out as honks.

As Naofumi figures out his goose powers, he finds that despite trying, he can't fly…especially with the shield on his back. However, he does figure out how to use his beak, swim, flap his wings, and of course, honk.

He then proceeds to cause some havoc…stealing cutlery off restaurant tables and breaking everything just because he can…and to relieve stress. It's surprisingly therapeutic.

In short, he's just having a damn good time being a goose before finding a way to turn back to normal.

* * *

After twelve days in the wild…

"HONK HONK MOTHERF******! YOU THINK YOUR FENCES CAN STOP ME?! I AM YOUR MERCILESS GOOSE GOD! I DISREGARD YOUR LAWS AND REPLACE THEM WITH MY OWN! I'M FILLED WITH SUCH BASTARD ENERGY AND JOY, AND YOU SHALL SUFFER MY GOOSEY REIGN OF TERROR! PEACE WAS NEVER AN OPTION! I WILL TAKE ALL YOU HOLD DEAR AND REDUCE THIS WORLD TO ASH!" as he joyfully laughs manically…although it really only comes out as maniacal honking.

During those twelve days, Naofumi had decided that the Church sucks, dedicating 50% of his days to wrecking the place while slowly changing it from the House of God to his own domain, causing chaos. But he'll at least leave the pretty hourglass alone.

According to the latest gossip, while you can't stop the wrath of the Goose God, you can lessen it through quality storytelling, good world-building, and character development.

Basically, despite being a goose, Naofumi loves a good story, so if you present a story to the chaotic Goose God, he may reconsider destroying your crops and breaking all of your windows. But if he doesn't like you or your story… say your prayers.

One person didn't listen to what was advised… He tried to kill the goose that had brought absolute destruction to their home.

The goose broke their weapon of choice on contract in response, resulting in the guy cowering in fear as the goose rained further chaos down on their property and life, realizing that there's no escaping the immortal goose.

Shortly after, the goose runs off, leaving behind devastation.

Then the Wave came.

* * *

The three Heroes stare in shock as the goose defeated a bunch of monsters all by itself while saving entire towns. This caused a Church of the Goose God to be created, quickly gaining popularity. As Melromarc cowers in fear, members of the Church had started to convert to the Church of the Goose.

Meanwhile, the heroes are left wondering, "How the heck did a goose do all that?!"

Later, the three come to the Church of the Great Goose. They're under orders from the King to kill the goose.

"This'll be easy, guys~! It's just a goose!" Motoyasu laughs.

The goose, now a certified God of Trickery and Chaos, honks, "You fools… You absolute buffoons! Do you think you can challenge me in my own realm? Do you think you can rebel against my authority? You dare come into my house, and upturn my dining chairs and spill coffee grounds in my home? You thought you were safe in your chain mail armor?"

As the goose somehow looks like its smirking, starts attacking them, kicking their butts.

"That's it! I'm gonna eat goose tonight!" Motoyasu yells before he's kicked into the wall. **Hard**.

As he continues his attacks, he does hold back a bit with Ren and Itsuki.

Panting, Itsuki asks, "How is it still standing? We've thrown everything we got at it?"

Erhard the 'cleric' of the Church of the Great Goose, who had recognized Naofumi in his goose form, and is just coming along for this chaotic ride, "It's because he's the great God of Chaos and Destruction who had emerge from his throne in the wild to bring on the destine destruction that will save us all."

Ren as he's getting peck by Naofumi, shouts, "What does that mean?!"

Erhard quietly points to the shield on the goose, which the heroes recognize as the legendary shield.

Motoyasu, however, had angered Naofumi and was then blasted out of the building.

Sighing, Ren and Itsuki decided, "F*** it!", and joins Naofumi's Church.

Naofumi was still a bit angry that they destroyed his newly built Church's furniture and front door…and is currently stealing all their money and accessories. No matter how much they donated to the Church, he wouldn't relent. They mistakenly thought he would be a bit less angry at them if they become followers of the Church of the Great Goose.

Of course, Naofumi isn't buying that one bit…but does enjoy their suffering. _**Just **_a little bit.

Motoyasu is, of course, banned from Naofumi's Church, and will be kicked out if he tries anything to harm the Goose God.

* * *

Once Ren and Itsuki find Myne, they beg, "Please break the curse on Naofumi!" so things can go back to normal!

After the curse was broken, Naofumi gains a goose shield, allowing him to turn into a goose once more.

Smirking, in the middle of the night, a black goose "visits" Ren, Itsuki, and Myne's rooms, honking, "You thought you can rid of me that easy? Prepare to face my merciless wrath, heathen!"

Screaming follows afterwards into the night. Ren and Itsuki were knocked out while Myne was tied up, and tickle tortured until she passed out.

Several weeks of a goose based power trip later, he goes back to his village where Raphtalia and Filo are waiting.

Raphtalia asks hysterically, "Master, where were you?!"

Naofumi shrugs, "Got cursed, and turned into a goose. I spent several days being a scourge on society. Then I became a God and created a new religion. It was fun."

Raphtalia and Filo were silent…until Filo pouts, "WITHOUT ME!?"

* * *

At Cal Mira, a certain black goose, after taking out the big monsters, was just running away with a scythe while L'Arc chases him.

Glass just watched on in confusion. 'Who the f*** turned the Shield Hero into a goose? Why can't L'Arc catch him?'

Eventually, L'Arc does catch the crazy goose, Naofumi honking, "DAMMIT! LET ME GO, YOU HANDSOME BASTARD!" as he's turning human again.

L'Arc smirks, holding him in his arms, "You think I'm handsome?"

Blushing, Naofumi realizes that he had said that last part when he turned human again, pouting, "Sh-shut up…"

The chaos Naofumi causes as a goose is very entertaining, so L'Arc wouldn't mind keeping him…or kidnapping him.

The only ones spared from his goose wrath is Raphtalia and Filo as they give him bread, making him happy.

"Honk!"

* * *

Unfortunately, Naofumi suddenly woke up. Sighing, "It was just a dream…"

He vows to never tell anyone about his crazy goose dream, planning to take it to his grave.


End file.
